Reflecting on what is a good relationship
A good relationship is subjective, perhaps it is one that is more beneficial than harmful, taking into account the effort required to maintain it. Maybe it’s just simply one we feel good about. Our emotions over the short term are not always a good barometer, but over the long term, they are an excellent source of the truth. They can sum up all our past experiences and future expectations in a way that words could never do.
There are three key elements of a good relationship
These can all evolve over time. They are not absolute by any means, but I do see their prominence shifting over time.
- The Other Person
- The Way We Engage
- Ourselves
When we start a relationship, it is probably mostly about the other person, how we engage with them, and what we think of them. How they respond to us. Simply, a lot of it is in their control and out of ours.
As the relationship develops, it shifts to being more about how we engage with one another. This is a shared responsibility.
As the relationship matures, it’s about how we see ourselves, at least in the context of the relationship.
A Good Relationship
Whether it is a good relationship or not is tricky to define, but I believe there are some good challenge questions to steer our thinking.
- Are we being authentic to ourselves?
- Are we compromising too much of what we value? – Some compromise is necessary and even healthy, stimulating growth.
- Does it energise or drain us?
- Do we like the person we are in the relationship?
It is not about the other person in the relationship
The most important thing is ourselves in a relationship. A good relationship over the longer term, is one in which we are happy with ourselves. Who we are in it.
We cannot outsource our happiness, but we can understand the sources of the disruption to it. It’s up to us to make changes, take ownership and be the person we want to be.
I will take care of me for you, if you will take care of you for me.
Jim Rohn
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